My fiance was abused as a child, I worry for his mental health, and mine.?

have struggled to gain respect from my fiance's mother but I have recently found out something that explains everything. My fiance was abused as a child by his alcoholic father who is still married to his mother- His mother was also beaten by her husband and she would come lay in the bed with her son while he was very young, beaten, bruised and bloody, to have him hold her. His father would see them in the bed together and lash it out on both of them.



My fiance is very needy and seeks attention 24/7. He has a pretty bad temper especially when he doesnt get when he wants. He has never really been physically abusive but is at times verbally abusive. This is not a common problem, maybe 2 times a month he will have an episode.



His mother basically takes care of everything for him including paying dr bills, paying off court costs, sending him clothes, money, etc. Even though we are several states away she makes sure that she is needed. Often I wonder why I am even here?My fiance was abused as a child, I worry for his mental health, and mine.?You should not base a relationship on pity, it is very dangerous, you don't sound like you love this guy, all you have for him is pity, if you feel so obliged you can do things for him as a good friend not necessary a girlfriend, if you continue in this relationship you will end up a very unhappy person and might breakup in a very short time. Think about it.My fiance was abused as a child, I worry for his mental health, and mine.?
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Anyway, your eyes are wide open. You ask a question to which I sense that you already know the answer. As soon as you marry he is going to start hitting you, you know it and he knows it. He needs help, and you are not helping. If you really want to help him, give him an ultimatum. Either he goes to counselling or you're gone. And be serious about it, 'cause he may just decide that Mom is better to be with. Whatever the outcome, the smoke can be seen from miles away. If you still want to walk into the fire that's your decision. Good Luck!My fiance was abused as a child, I worry for his mental health, and mine.?This is a complicated situation you're in. He's in denial. He's immature. He's not a survivor of a bad life. He's a victim and he likes to be that way. Do you know what I mean when I say he's playing the victim? You said you feel that you help him? No, if you were helping him you would not be asking this question. I know you've tried but he's not taking the help. Stop feeling sorry for him. He's feeding off of that. His mom will never stop babying him so forget about her. He has to grow up and deny the help himself. Ok I can go on forever. The bottomline here. He needs counseling with you because it's causing problem in your relationship and I think it could get worse. If he says no then you tell him that you can't be in this if you're the only one working on it. Unfortunately I think you're going to have to leave him. And please DO NOT ever let anyone blame you for their drugs problem!My fiance was abused as a child, I worry for his mental health, and mine.?
he needs prayer and understanding and timeMy fiance was abused as a child, I worry for his mental health, and mine.?If the question is 'what to do?' then I think this will be a very hard marriage.



Abused people take a very long time to be fully functional.



Is he worth the struggles you will have?



That is for you to answer.