Why are the divorce and child custody laws so biased against men? Let me give my scenario and explain why?

I've been divorced now for almost six years. My ex-wife committed adultery multiple times during our marriage. One time I had to go to the health department to be tested for an STD. The other time that I know of she slept with a close family member of mine. I married her and she had two children already and we had my only biological child together. We lived together for almost eight years. Now here's the unfair and biased part. Although I had legitimate grounds for divorce she was still entitled to half and child support for my daughter. I consulted three attorneys on this (male and female) and I was informed that if I had behaved in the same manner. She would be entitle to more. Needless to say, my ex-wife go to live in our house rent-free for three years and plus for 18 months I made child support payments for my daughter while I had to live with my mother. I had the child support stopped because I was still was paying the mortgage where my ex and the children resided.Why are the divorce and child custody laws so biased against men? Let me give my scenario and explain why?Hi, wow. I agree with you that the system is biased against men, and feel that it is the backlashing result of a long history in our country of men leaving families, disappearing and not doing the right thing. It's also a leftover of the old days, where women didn't support themselves or their own children financially. Someone mentioned the courts' being too overwhelmed to deal with the "he said she said" situation in a divorce. So the innocent get trampled? Divorce aside, child support should be based on NEED, and on a case by case basis. A man should not be forced to give up his home, his assets, move back in with his parents, while his wife collects and spends the child support in unsupervised ways. The child support should NOT be doled out in lump sums, bills should be submitted for clothing, health care and other necessities, and the parents should SPLIT THOSE BILLS. Yes, it is more work this way, but it is FAIR.Why are the divorce and child custody laws so biased against men? Let me give my scenario and explain why?
That is sad and so unfair. I respect a man that takes care of his kids.

That is ugly and not fair.

Well i raised my three kids alone and it wasnt easy. I didnt get child support.

My kids love me and their dad is a stranger.

How sad she will be the u ltimate loser.

In the end you will win and all she will have in her life is ashes.........

What you sow you reap and she will get hers.

My life is great now. I have a true and faithfull mate. My kids are grown and love me and turned out so great.



They are polite strangers to their dad. He is sorry but it is too late! you are wonderful and it is a honor to know that there are fathers and men out there like you!Why are the divorce and child custody laws so biased against men? Let me give my scenario and explain why?Have you ever seen a man try to take care of a child?

Unless moms is strung out, they're just following the natural order



I wish someone would have told you its cheaper to keep her

and get YOU a girlfriend
I feel sorry for you.

That is a truely sorry state of affairs that you should never have had to go through and it is because of inequalities and injustices in the law.



It is wrong and the law needs to change. The law needs to recognise the rights of the father and equalise them to that of the mothers.



The current prejudice that the law holds the mother at a higher status than the father is wrong and is very dissappointing. Both parents need to be recognised as being potentially very fit parents and not just the mother.Why are the divorce and child custody laws so biased against men? Let me give my scenario and explain why?it is biased. I wish that I had married someone like you that actually took care of his family.

but in several cases the mother is the custodial parent. this is how the courts see it. there has to be just cause why she shouldnt be custodial parent.

if you had reasons why she was a unfit parent then she would be paying you child support.

if you feel that she isnt a good mother then you can petition the court for custody.

you need to call your local CSEA ( child support enforcement agency, becuase if she is with you, then they need to give you your money back, adn then go after mom for child support.Why are the divorce and child custody laws so biased against men? Let me give my scenario and explain why?
Unfortunately the "behavior" of spouses during the marriage in relationship to fidelity has little or no bearing on the division of assets when a divorce occurs.

btw -This also applies to the multitude of men who cheat on their wives or similar scenarios.

Sounds like your presumption is that the conditions were the "same" as when you divorced... but I doubt it!

Usually in a divorce, it was the

woman who stayed out of the work force to raise the children and then was cheated on and divorced.



As a result during the marriage she forfeited her ability to "earn money" or to increase her earning potential -

WHY ,

because she was "working in the home" and raising the children.

In all cases "work" was not compensated for by the husband when he was off working -

He did not pay her for house cleaning services,

laundry services,

meal prep,

childcare.....the list goes on.



So when he decides to have an affair and "trade-up

and then asks for a divorce...

the courts know that "IF"

she were compensated during those years ..most men couldn't afford a "wife".

Because she is worth much more than you may realize:



Taking Care of Kids is Real Work!



A full-time stay-at-home mother would earn $134,121 a year if paid for all her work, according to a study released by Waltham, Mass.-based compensation experts Salary.com. The amount is similar to that earned by top U.S. ad executives, marketing directors or judges, according to a Reuters story on the study.



A mother who works outside the home would earn an extra $85,876 annually on top of her actual wages for the work she does at home.

Don't believe it,

Here's a link to an article in the Washington Post about this:

http://blog.washingtonpost.com/onbalance…



So a divorce occurs and they say to the guy

"OK here's your Divorce...but your wife has invested her time, energy and body into this marriage - with the "expectation" that you would honor the marriage agreement...

Hence the fact that "She would be entitled to more. " in the way of $ compensation in the settlement, due to her "investment in the marriage".

Why because during the marriage he essentially continued to live a "single" lifestyle ( in more ways than one) and he has been able to flourish economically.

In addition anyone ( male or female) will tell you that the amount of money the absent parent pays in "Child Support" doesn't even come close to what it actually costs to raise a child.

According to a recent U.S. Census Bureau report (pdf link), the median child support payment in the U.S. is $280 a month. The average child support payment is a little higher - $350 a month. That’s a noticeable amount - similar in scope to payments on a new car - but it’s hardly the crushing, slavery-like burden some MRAs seem to describe child support as.

All told, the typical child support payment in the USA covers much less than half the expense of raising a child. Custodial parents - usually mothers - are taking on not only the majority of the work involved in childrearing, and the majority of the opportunity costs - they’re taking on the majority of the cash expenses, as well.



In Addition,

Once your a "single parent" - you don't have a built in "babysitter" so you have childcare costs right off the bat.

The CS barely pays for that alone.

So sit down

do the MATH

and quit complaining about the $$.



You always have the option and right to ask for custody of the children.



I'm not trying to be insensitive about the emotional aspect of your situation... having a cheating spouse is devastating and

It sounds like your ex demonstrated many moral /ethical shortcomings.

But even then there is a certain amount of responsibility that you have in "choosing" this person to begin with.



Next time you decide to get married and have children...

take your time,

get to "know" this person and

just what their ethics are about,

her "history"( like a previously failed marriage) could be a tip off?



Maybe Next time you'll,

Make a better choice of

just "who" your entering into this "sacred contract" with!



*** Focus on the welfare of your child NOT the bitterness.

If you truly believe that your ex is not a good influence on your daughter( due to her past behavior) then go for custody...



It sounds like your more focused on the $$$ than the welfare of your child.



I can tell you from experience if my "focus" was $$$ and not the welfare of my child, I would have been much better off having my ex raise the children while I paid him child support!
You are right, your situation is unfair. Unfortunately the courts cannot consider the elements of each individual case and have to have a base line for how they handle divorce and custody. You can thank your fellow men who in general are more often the adulterers and abandoners for setting the stage for this base line. It's too bad so many bad apples have to spoil it for one good one.Why are the divorce and child custody laws so biased against men? Let me give my scenario and explain why?
All I could say is that, man, I feel for you, and agree that you got screwed and it's not fair.



This is why I think that divorce laws where everyone automatically gets half are unfair. Different situations require different solutions.
Because feminists pushed for biased laws that hold women unaccountable for their behavious, thats why. Responsibility for making a good choice partnerwise is placed soely on the man. As Kymimom said maybe before you enter the sacred contract of marriage again you will make a better choice,or else, tough luck kiss more of your dollars goodbye.
I do understand where you are coming from but as a woman I lost my son to his father. I have to pay HIM child support and I paid all of the bills while we were together. I worked throughout my whole pregnancy and he went out with friends and did drugs to my knowledge. So sometimes there are opposites to the spectrum. Rare as they may be your not alone sometimes the opposite sex gets it stuck to them too!!! Good Luck sweetie.
My Mother ran off with Her girlfriend are dumped My brother and I in the process. My Father tried to look after us but a social worker intervened with the result that I have not seen My brother in nearly 50 years. Do You know why She had us placed in foster care? Because " .....Men are biologically incapable of nursing young children...." That is what She wrote in Her report. And the system took Her word for it. This is the same Woman who had Me returned to My 'Mother' upon Her request. Several times. Whilst I was been neglected and beaten by My 'Mother' the world looked the other way. Why? Because She was a woman, and having made the mistake of giving Me back to Her, no body wanted to be seen for the complete and utterly incompetent Women that They were. I was the one punished for the politics of others. Men do know how to raise children. Anyone can learn to do it. The main thing that social service organizations seem to have against Men is the fact that They go to work in order to give Their children the best care that Their can afford.
Actually, I am not a huge fan of no-fault divorce laws. There are some benefits, of course, but there are also some downsides. Without any presumption that one spouse has "broken" his/her vows by commiting adultery, judges have a lot more leeway in determining who gets what. It *might* have gone more in her favor if the reverse were true. However, there is no legal requirement either way - it's up to the judge. I am friends with one woman who is actually paying alimony to her ex-husband, and he cheated on *her*. (No children) The fact that there is a presumption that whatever is aquired during the marriage belongs to both parties is not inherently sexist or biased.



I agree that this is a pretty lousy situation. However, there really is no evidence that divorce laws are currently biased against men. For example, if a SAHM gets divorced, the judge will often "assign" her a potential income of whatever she last made while working full-time. He does not have to factor in child care expenses, or the fact that she might not be able to find a job with that pay so quickly. After doing that, *then* they come up with child support levels. And, seven out of ten times that a man asks for custody, he recieves it. Most men don't want it, since it is more costly (in many ways) to raise a child full-time than pay child support.



Men are now seeking to lower child support levels the more time they spend with the child. The woman, however, is not allotted a "bonus" for all the time she puts into childcare. The man's time counts, the woman's does not. In addition, the most common reason for lowering child support levels is that the man has decided to start a second family. I doubt many mothers of "first" children find this terribly fair.
The child support is not for your wife. It is for your DAUGHTER. She is innocent, and it's not fair to punish her for your wife's faults.



You didn't tell us - did you file for custody or for joint custody?



As far as the assets - well, most states simply divide the assets 50/50 no matter who was at fault. This is because there usually is no "blameless" party in a divorce, and the courts are tired of playing "he said/she said." It's pointless.